Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize