What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
