i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
