so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
