Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
