I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
