I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
