it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
