I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
