Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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