i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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