True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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