would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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