This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm too high and old for this...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
