it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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