my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
