She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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