How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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