Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
