I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
