Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
