He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm passing your future prison.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
