You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
