I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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