Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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