Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
