I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
