ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
