She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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