Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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