I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
