What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
