Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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