Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
