Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
