Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he high fived his dick after we had sex
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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