my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
