I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize