My sheets look like a crime scene.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
