Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
