Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
