it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He better not be in your backpack
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
