I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
