Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
