Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
