i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are we still banned from the library?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
