I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
