He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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