this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
