Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
