Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
