so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
