I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
