It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize