I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
