So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
