I just pynch a tree in the face
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
