I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
