Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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