i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
