im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
