So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
