I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
