In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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