dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
