I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
