UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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