drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
