i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize